You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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