Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
