woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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