WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
