i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
