So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
