Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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