Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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