Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
