Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
