I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Dignity is for republicans.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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