I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
