Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
