i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
