Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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