Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
