quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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