He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
