is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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