Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
