I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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