I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
this just has baby written all over it
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
