I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
