Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
