I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
