I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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