Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
