just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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