Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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