What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
