DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
