I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
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