I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
