whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
