i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
