he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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