I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
