So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
