He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
