You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
