haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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