just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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