Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
