I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm gonna fight the coyote
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I had to cum in my sink.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
