No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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