There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
