Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
