you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
