gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
