I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
