then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
