well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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