get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
