My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
